Survival Mode

Are you going through some major shit right now? So much shit that you don’t know what words to use to describe how you are feeling?

This is not a self care post, this is a survival post. This is a post about what to do when you feel like you are wearing your skin inside out. When you don’t know which way is up let alone what the next best step is.

I certainly don’t have all the answers. What I do know is that three weeks ago I was paralyzed. My father committed suicide. I’m sure you have lots of questions, and so do I. More will be revealed as I unravel this dark reality. For now, back to my state of being. I plummeted to the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid of human needs. It took everything I had to meet my family’s physiological needs. Total survival mode.

Two weeks ago I was beginning to move from numb to feeling. Best way I can describe it is when your leg falls asleep and it starts to wake up and feels like pins and needles. Well that was how my whole physical, emotional, and energy body felt.

And this week my emotions are dialed all the way up but I’m also able to begin to do some self care again. This 👆🏻 was me on Monday night. I was not capable of doing that for myself three weeks ago. And that is ok, that is where I was at. What I did for the last three weeks was take every spare minute I had to be with myself.

Have you ever had to comfort a friend and the only thing you could do was just sit with them? That was probably what they needed most. And that is what I did for myself. I sat with myself, by my own bedside. Little by little I am feeling like me again and I’m grateful.

My hope is that you take the time you need to be you again. And if you are already on the other side of a shit storm keep taking that time for yourself. You are worth it.

xo,

Nicole